It’s fascinating to me that there are so many people out there that seem genuinely flabbergasted by the idea that not everyone is in a committed and loving relationship with just one person. People are researching polyamorous people and relationships like it’s some kind of anomaly in the natural course of things. In all reality though, humans were never meant to be entirely monogamous creatures; at least we didn’t start out that way. So technically speaking, monogamy is the true anomaly in our world of relationships.
Anyways… polyamory and polygamy get confused way too often for their own good. While they have their similarities, I’m sure that anyone in either type of relationship would be quick to tell you the difference. Poly= more than one. Gamy= marriage; therefore polygamy is essentially being married to more than one person at a time. Amory= love; therefore polyamory is being in love with more than one person at a time. This can be a three, four, or five way love amongst everyone, or two people might be in love and together and then they each have someone else they’re in love with too… I mean really, the variations are endless. The point is, polyamory is based on love.
Polyamory is not necessarily easier… It’s not a cop-out or a way to save a relationship that’s on the rocks. It can, however, solve some problems in a happy and healthy relationship with two people that may have differing or unequal sexual or emotional desires. It’s definitely not meant for everyone and requires emotionally literate, honest partners, but it can be extremely rewarding in many different ways.
No one is immune to jealousy… It is actually a completely normal and healthy thing to feel a certain level of appropriately directed jealousy in regard to your partner(s). Polyamorous relationships have this too, the only difference is, adding partners to the relationship is intended to enhance it for everyone involved, never to distract from the preexisting relationship. If everyone feels benefitted by the situation, then there will be no need for jealousy.
If you were to ask most people in monogamous relationships how they would feel if their partners slept or fell in love with another person, the majority would answer with anger, jealousy, betrayal, etc. However, if you were to ask a polyamorous person the same question, they would probably be thrilled. Compersion is the joy you feel when your partner finds love outside of you; similar to the feeling you get when you find out your younger sibling got into college or your best friend scored her dream job. Rather than feeling jealous and angered, they would genuinely feel excited for them as long as their new love doesn’t distract from what the two of you have.
Jealous is not unavoidable, but in polyamorous relationships, it is simply discussed. Communication is key, especially when you have more than two people involved and emotions flying around everywhere.
Women are not necessarily the biggest advocates for monogamy… Like men, they just don’t want to be disrespected, taken advantage of, lied to, or expected to go along with a double standard. This shouldn’t even be expectations set strictly for monogamous relationships; any and all relationship should set these standards for their partners.
Monogamy isn’t intended for one specific race, sex, gender, sexual orientation, or otherwise. It is meant for whoever feels the desire to be in a loving, committed relationship with just one person. There’s nothing innately more ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ about this type of relationship verses polyamory or anything else; it is whatever works best for you and your partner to have a happy and healthy relationship.
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