It was Christmas time three years ago, my little brother and I dropped a tab of LSA and 30 minutes later dropped another of LSD. We were off, gone; never to return home to this space.
During that night that I cannot be sure happened, I left this world and found a new place. A place full of sounds and colors that had never existed in my world before. The clouds were dancing before my glass eyes, showing me the reality of life and answering every question that I’d never thought to ask.
Suddenly… everything made sense.
The physical world around me began to dissipate. I was apart of it, but not really. I was watching myself move around in this space uncomfortably, like all of the sudden there wasn’t enough room for my body.
But everything was so beautiful. It was like a movie happening all around me. I was in a storybook that was coming to life.
The mental, the physical, the metaphysical, the abstract and the surreal all mesh into one. The dots begin connecting and suddenly, my mind is showing me life in this world we bump around in, that the reality I’d been living in could never show me before.
Suddenly… everything made sense.
26 hours later. I just want it to end. I’m still coming off my trip and I just want it to be over. I feel like I’ll never have my mind back again.
I can’t sleep. I can’t eat. I can’t speak. And I’m finally done tripping (I think).
My face, my body, my flesh cannot project the tremors and soul inside that I cannot understand.
I feel like I’m in a life that I have already lived. Every interaction, every relationship, everything I see and do, I feel like it has already happened and I’m just watching it now as I relive it from a distance, a place far away, where this life that I’m living all makes sense for what it is but cannot be explained.
I can’t predict what will happen next, who I will see or what I will do, but as soon as it happens it makes perfect sense. I’m hyper aware of my physical body, my physical presence in space but have no grasp of the space surrounding me. Maybe the only way to get through this life is to accept and embrace it for all that it is and allow yourself to fall into the simply pleasures and materialistic, flat ways of the World.
I cannot forget where I have gone, and now it’s caused my mind to become a deformity in a world where we all must conform. I can’t find joy in this life of trivial humors anymore. Everything is dull; pointless and mundane now that I’ve seen what it all really means.
Nothing. Everything.
I almost can’t handle it, but when I think of ending it all and exploding my wandering mind, I know that I couldn’t because it would not end.
My insides are jaded by the uncomfortably orgasmic feeling of what my mind cannot explain of this life.
And now, when I allow my mind to wander too far, I feel as though I’m going to explode from the inside out. There is an uncomfortable amount of energy inside of me when I wander and it fits awkwardly between my bones. I become excessively aware of the boundaries created by my own flesh as this energy attempts to escape its confines.
This place will never be the same.
Comments